Being in a partnership or relationship(s) can be challenging at times and if you and your significant other(s) are in need of some relationship or couples counselling I would be happy to offer support. I am trained in Emotion Focused Couples therapy, Gottman’s basic principles, Esther Perel’s Transformative, Five Love Languages, Imago Model, Non-violent Communication and other relationship therapies that will help to improve your communication and connection.
I also work with people in polyamorous, open and ethical non-monogamous relationships to help them find the best way of navigating what can sometimes be a tricky journey.
My partner and I have been together for over twenty four years and we also sought couples counselling many years ago so I know what it is like to struggle in a relationship and to sit with a therapist. By learning good listening skills, assertiveness, forgiveness and acceptance we were able to move forward in our adventures together.
I can offer couples counselling by video or in home sessions.
Enjoying a Date Night: It is always important to make regular date nights for each other even if it is a picnic in the living room or giving one another a massage at home. Sometimes when you are not getting along.. just taking time for each other is necessary.
My partner and I signed up to do a triathlon together… he was pretty much first and I was pretty much last but that didn’t matter, training and time together helped build our relationship. It is important to have some similar interests you enjoy doing together whether that be going for a walk/hike or even just watching a favourite tv series together.
Having fun at a friend’s wedding photo booth: Sometimes you just have to be silly and have fun together… laughter can be very healing as long as not everything becomes a joke.
What are Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship? (These ideas come from the book “A Recipe for a Healthy Relationship”)
Work on your own self-esteem so you are not looking for your partner wholly to lift you up or validate you.
Mutual respect - respect the others thoughts, feelings and opinions even if you agree to disagree.
Boundaries - your partner has a right to say no and you need to respect that.
Own Interests - it is healthy to have your own interests and friendships outside of your relationship.
Trust - this needs to take time, be open and honest. Have a conversation about feelings if you feel jealous… often your partner is feeling insecure or has low self-esteem.
Shared Decision Making - communication, and compromises at times.
Personal Responsibility - Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. No one can make you feel a certain way.
Non-violence
Healthy Communication - expressing your needs and feelings and being heard and respected.
What things negatively impact a relationship?
World Renown Couples Counsellors from the Gottman Institute suggest that these four things known as the Four Horsemen can negatively impact a relationship:
Criticism - instead use I statements and express your needs
Contempt(attack sense of self) - instead show appreciation for your partners positive qualities and have gratitude for those actions.
Defensiveness - Accept your partners perspective and apology if needed.
Stonewalling(withdraw, silence) - take a break and self soothe